~EASTER MEMORIES~
My Children 1989
Today I'm going to deviate a bit from my regular Thoughts on a Sunday Morning and share with you something that has been on my heart for many moons.
Many. Many. Moons.
It's a personal story of sorts and it may make you feel uncomfortable to read.
It's about BULLYING.
If you'd rather stop and not read
any further you have my permission to
exit right now.
My feelings won't be hurt in the slightest.
It's just with all the reports on the news of school violence and bullying (on-line and beyond) I feel inclined to share with you some private thoughts on the matter.
~SOOO PRECIOUS~
I'm quite sure bullying has affected all of us in one way or another. We've either done it, been a victim of it or known someone who has experienced it. Bullying behavior today has reached epidemic proportions and when town meetings are called to address the fact our children are taking their own lives (or killing each other) to try and escape the torment and harassment aimed towards them from other children, something has to be done.
But what?
~FOREVER FRIENDS~
This post isn't about me or the things I went through during my growing up years... As challenging as those days were for me once in awhile the things I experienced are nothing compared to what goes on today.
I can't help but wonder sometimes
what is happening to our world.
Quite frankly it feels like it's all going to hell.
I don't mean to be offensive here...
I'm trying to speak honestly and plainly.
There is no other word for it...
Just hell.
~BRANDON 18~
My son, Brandon, has the gentlest of souls. He was incredibly smart as a little boy and often struggled a bit to fit in with other children. He was a really cute kid who grew into a good-looking teenager. He wasn't a nerd (so what if he was?), wasn't a jock (again, so what?), but he was a self-confessed geek who loved computer stuff and math (it's no wonder that today he works as a computer programmer for a well known university). He was a typical child in many respects...far from being perfect, but a really, really good kid none-the less. He loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, loved watching Jeopardy and playing Scrabble. His first job was as a Grocery Bagger/Sacker. He made decent grades and had big dreams.
~GRADUATION 2000~
(A Handsome Kid)
When Brandon was in high-school, right at 17, he came home one evening after a school football game with his entire face swollen up to three times it's size. His story to his father and I at the time was that he was playing tag football during half time with his friends and was injured. Instead of catching the ball it planted itself into his face. Now...I was totally alarmed at his appearance and like any loving mother was overwhelmed with concern. His eyes were blackened, lips split and we feared his nose was broken (it wasn't). Within 24 hours both his eyes were swollen shut and weepy. He couldn't breathe right for a week. The doctors assured us he was fine and like any two parents we told our son to be MORE CAREFUL NEXT TIME. Nothing more came of the story until several years later when we were finally told the shocking truth as to what really caused our son's bruised and beaten face.
About six or seven years ago a young man was murdered in our town...it may have been even eight or nine years ago... I can't remember all the details, but I do recall the person accused in the killing, a former classmate of our son's, was convicted of the murder and was sentenced to life in prison. I can't even tell you how the conversation began with my oldest child, I only remember Brandon fessing up as to what really happened the night of the homecoming football game.
I'm paraphrasing here...but our conversation went something like this:
Brandon: "Mom...you know that local guy that was convicted of killing that other kid in the drug deal...the one all over the news? Well...he was the one that was always bullying me and beat me up on homecoming night when I was in high school!"
Me: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? What bully? What beating?"
Brandon: "Remember when I came home from the homecoming football came with my face all swollen up? I told you and dad I missed catching a ball and it hit me in the face! Well...I didn't get hit if the face with a football. The guy that was just convicted of murder beat me up that night!"
Me: SILENCE!!!!! (SCREAMING SILENCE!!!!)
When I gathered my composer the conversation continued. I asked Brandon WHY he didn't tell us honestly what had happened to him. His reply was simple and sadly made total sense...
he said:
"I was afraid mom. Really afraid. The guy accused me of stealing from him and I knew dad would have called the cops and filed a police report. There were teachers and school officials (um...like HIS COUNSELOR!) all around and no one did anything to help me. I was afraid if you did file charges the guy would get off and then come back and beat me up again and the bullying at school would be worse than it had been. I figured if I kept quiet he would grow tired of picking on me and stop!"
I was speechless.
~~*~~
I will believe until my dying day my son was lucky favored that day. He took a beating, but his life was spared.
For this I'm very grateful.
I know nothing about the home-life of the bullier or what caused him to behave in such a manner or why the violence increased to the point of murder. I do know that if I could live those days again I'd have dug deeper and asked more questions of our son. I don't blame Brandon for the falsehood. I'd have been scared too. But...what troubles me MOST is that the school did not take any action. Aside from us not being notified of the incident, there were also parents there that refused to speak up. Years later while shopping at the grocery store I met up with a mother who told me she was there and witnessed the entire thing.
WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Recently while watching some local news I was sickened to hear the same issues regarding bullying are making headlines once again. Why? Because not enough is being done to stop it. In my opinion there must be strict, unbending, unwavering consequences set in place to stop bullying in it's tracks. It may be time for all of us to ask
"Is MY CHILD a BULLIER or a VICTIM of it?"
and then believe is just may be possible!
"Is MY CHILD a BULLIER or a VICTIM of it?"
and then believe is just may be possible!
As parents and grandparents we must
get involved and speak up.
We must continue to talk openly with our kids.
My husband and I did have candid conversations with our children and we were still blindsided by what was taking place in the life of our oldest child.
Get their passwords.
Visit their schools.
Talk to their teachers outside of conference day.
Attend town meetings.
Write letters.
Make your opinions known.
And for heaven's sake,
PRAY.
And for heaven's sake,
PRAY.
The very lives of our children
and
our grand-children
depend on it.
Thank you for listening.
May your Sunday be blessed...
Love to you~
