~WHEN THE TIME COMES~

 ~MY FATHER~

1955/1956

“God will help you deal with whatever hard

things come up when the time comes.” 

Matthew 6:34

(The Message)

It’s been over eight years since my father was moved into a nursing home to live out the remainder of his days.  Since that early spring evening in 2003 I’ve watched him decline and change both mentally and physically into someone I barely recognize.  His once vibrant mind has faded while his strong, capable hands have grown fragile and weak.

~BEAUTIFUL and YOUNG~

1955/56

His cocky good looks, neatly trimmed mustache and Cheshire Cat grin can now only be seen in pictures.  It’s common place for me to keep them close at hand.   They remain a gentle reminder of the man I use to know.

 ~NOVEMBER 23, 1955~

WEDDING DAY

Truthfully, just hearing the word “Alzheimer’s” is overwhelming.  I hate it.  I want to curse it.  Yell, scream and stomp and kick my feet at it every single day.  I want to throw a tantrum and flail my arms and shake my fist at it.  I want to act like a bully and beat it up.

Tear it limb from limb.

I want to bloody up this faceless, callous ogre.

I want to kill and destroy the heinous thief that came in the cool of the night and robbed my family and I of what we hold so dear...

 ~A LOVELY BRIDE~

1955

 And then, just as my humanity is about to get the best of me and I fear I've left the presence of the Most High, I catch sight of my Mother as she shares a fleeting moment in time with my Father.  She is long past the point of questioning or displaying negative emotion.  I dally in the shadows to watch for a bit as she sits lovingly beside the man of her dreams, the very person who continues to be the keeper of her heart.

 ~MY PARENTS 1963~

With a clear view of her selfless abandon, I look from a distance as she tends to the needs of the husband of her youth.  I breathe in their most private of moments and watch quietly as she performs, with steely determination, the care she’s become best known for.  Decidedly she moves closer to her aging beau, content to be fully present in their journey of silence.  She has loved this man in sickness and in health for more than a half a century and I know from experience she won’t waste a moment of time uttering words in bitterness or anger over a disease she has somehow managed to accept. 

 

~MY MOTHER TODAY~

Through misty, watery eyes I choke back what are now familiar tears.  I watch as she lifts her right hand, gently stroking my father’s silvery white hair before carefully tucking the bed covers up under his chin.  Night has fallen and she must leave him once again. She gently kisses his check while whispering something I’m quite sure only his heart could hear…

~MOMMA and ME~

1959

From an adjoining room I listen as my Mother gathers her belongings and makes her way down the long corridor that will eventually lead her back home.
She will never know of my presence on this night...
Never know I was watching from a distance
the truest of loves play out...
Never know how I long to be more like her...

Beautiful Mother I have.

Beautiful, beautiful Mother.

~~*~~

Love to you as you honor the women in your life who've helped mold and make you into the person you are today…