Tuesday, January 9, 2018

~HEAVENBOUND~ - MY BEAUTIFUL MOMMA~

 
 My Beautiful Momma
(Celebrating Another Grandchild's Wedding)

It's been a really long time since I looked at my old blog and even longer since I cared about sharing my thoughts with you. 

My Blog.

Funny how the one thing that once brought me so much joy...the thing my heart was truly wrapped up in and sang aloud for...the thing that became so much of my daily focus...the thing that brought incredible purpose and meaning to my life, one day just began to slowly fade away into pretty much nothingness.

Not sure what happened.  
Things just change, I guess.
 
My Mom's Family
(Aunt Lil, Mom, Grandpa, Grandma, Great-Grandma
Cousin Larry, Sister, Sister)

Blog or no blog, over the years I have changed and with each passing day I feel myself changing more and more.  But, nothing has wrought within me a bigger change than the loss of my dearest friend, confidant and mentor, my Mother.
 Me In My Momma's Arms
(My Mother, Me, Grandmother, Great-Grandmother 
and Big Sister, Linda)

Her name was Barbara Helen Martin Elliott and she passed away early Christmas Eve morning at the age of 83. 

To tell you I'm irrevocably broken over her death can't even begin to describe the pain I carry inside my heart.  My Momma had a tough life...she deserved more and I prayed God would give her more.  I asked Him time and time again to fill her coffers with all things good and lovely and He did.  But, I wanted more for her.
 
My Brother's Wedding
Mom, Sister Linda, Daughter Adrienne, Grandma & Me)

An easier time.
Less sorrow.
Financial freedom.
Restoration of her family.
A healed heart.
  Son's Wedding Celebration Luncheon
(Daughter-in-Love, Miss K, Me & Momma)

My Mother lived with heart disease for many years and although her death was unexpected, I knew she was growing weaker and the chances of her living to the age of 92, like her own Mother, were fairly small.  Still I prayed for her to stay with me...selfishly, I wanted her to remain a physical presence in my life.

There were so many things I still wanted her to teach me.
So many things I still needed to learn.
My Momma at Two

As my three siblings and I worked to clear out her home over holiday break I became overwhelmed with grief.  It came in the knowing she would never see with earthly eyes the sun come up on another Christmas morning...or feel the beautiful breeze of one more first day of spring.  She wouldn't be here to witness the first of many red robins confidently perched outside my kitchen window, make another heirloom quality baby quilt and most of all, wouldn't be here to celebrate with me the birth of my next grandchild.

I didn't know how I could go on.
 
My Mother with my Sister Linda

But, as I've known since I was a young child, God is both faithful and full of mercy.  Somehow, within my own crushed and battered spirit, He allowed my Mother to come to me.  She came to me in the words of the one song she said she loved to sing most - 
 My Lovely Mother

LEAVE IT THERE
 

If the world from you withhold of its silver and its gold,

And you have to get along with meager fare,

Just remember, in His Word, how He feeds the little bird—

Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.


Leave it there, leave it there,

Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there;

If you trust and never doubt, He will surely bring you out—

Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.


If your body suffers pain and your health you can’t regain,

And your soul is almost sinking in despair,

Jesus knows the pain you feel, He can save and He can heal—

Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.


When your enemies assail and your heart begins to fail,

Don’t forget that God in Heaven answers prayer;

He will make a way for you and will lead you safely through—

Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.


When your youthful days are gone and old age is stealing on,

And your body bends beneath the weight of care;

He will never leave you then, He’ll go with you to the end—

Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.

 A Pastor's Wife
(Preggo with Sister Jennifer)


My Mother's unwavering faith has sustained me throughout my life and I owe her more than I can say~ Her voice, though sweetly ordinary, gave to me endless gifts... The early teaching of Bible stories and simple songs will never end and the melody of love that lived within her will never die.  Truth will live on in her children...and in their children and in their children...
My Parents When I Was A Teen

Two-thousand seventeen was a tough year.  I had spine surgery in March, our beloved 14+ year old Yorkie, Mollie, passed away in August, our dearly loved brother-in-love succumbed in October after a massive stroke and then my precious Mother has journeyed to heaven in December.  With each challenge and loss I've somehow remained grateful to God for sustaining me and giving me the a perfect peace found only in Him.  But...the losses have been very, very hard.
Our Last Professional Family Photo 1992
Jennifer, Linda, Bill, Dad, Mom, Me
 
Mom and I About 4 Years Ago

In closing...

So, to the woman who gave me life...

"Thank you, Mom! You gave me so much more than I ever realized.  Thank you for those years of early instruction, for the faith you carried within your heart in spite of knowing of your own imperfection.  Your belief in me has carried me for all my 59 years and I trust you will continue to guide me until I reunite with you on the other side.  I thank God today for giving you 83 plus years!  I will miss your physical presence for all my days and will bless you for the remainder of my life.  I love you...Becky"

~*~

About my Blog...well...I don't know.  I may just leave it as it is for whomever happens upon it...and then again I may continue.  Time will tell.  I just can't say for sure right now.

In the meantime...
May God bring the path you are to travel this year into focus and the calling on your life clear. 

Love to you all,

Rebecca

13 comments:

Minnie In NYC said...

Dearest Rebecca,
May our dear Lord hold you tightly each day. The memories are what will carry you as you sure had many sweet times with your momma. Peace be with you. So happy you have your loving husband to help you through each day. Be strong and stay busy as this will help. Know your momma and daddy are together in the golden streets of heaven so happy and pain free. Will always read your blog as you wish to write often or monthly whatever your heart has you do. Your friend from NYC Love, Robin XO

Jocelyne said...

I don't even have the words to express how sorry I am for your loss. I love my mama too and can't imagine the day when I will have to be without her. We can take heart though, knowing that one day we will all meet up again. Praying for you dear Rebecca.

Rebecca said...

Oh sweet girl....I truly know this pain! It's been a hard seven years for me since my sweet Momma left this earth. I long to hear her sweet voice again, for all of us to gather around her table at the holidays, for her to know my grangirl...It leaves a hole in your heart forever, but in Christ...there are no good-byes. That is what gives me the peace and strength to go on. I will see my precious Momma again someday. That does help! My prayer is that God will wrap you close in His loving arms and may you feel a peace that surpasses all understanding...only that He can give! Please know that you are close in my prayers! As for your blog...you need to do what is right for you. As for me, I would come back for a time, vanish for a while, and then resurface again. It is whatever works for YOU! Please just know that as your sister in Christ, I am lifting you to the Father and keeping your close to my heart! God bless you! (((HUGS)))

Deanna said...

Thinking of you. I am so very sorry for your losses. You have had a rough year. May God always comfort you and give you peace. Through these tough times, we learn about life and God. I know it's tough. My 2016 and 2017 have been tough. I am getting through it. House fire, Dad dying, Mother in law dying. God will put some happiness back into you. God bless you. I hope you continue to blog. You write beautifully. Rebecca, you are real.
Hugs,
d

NanaNor's said...

Dear Rebecca, You indeed have walked through the valley this past year; I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mother. There are no words that can help, but know that many are lifting you up right now. As for your blog-I understand, I've been struggling with what to write about. You are still grieving and with time may decide to start blogging again. Know that we all understand and cherish the bond of friendship with you.
Hugs and prayers,
Noreen

Old Time Cindy said...

I was just thinking of you this past week and was wondering if all was okay. So sorry for the loss of your mother and for the year you have had with so much difficulty. May good memories bring you some comfort. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings,
Cindy

Fee said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your belief bed mum Rebecca. Just looked Ng at her photographs tells me that she was a beautiful soul. Hugs, Fee xx

Theresa said...

Oh what a beautiful post about your beautiful Mother. I know that you are sad that you lost her and happy that you will see her again someday walking those streets of gold. Sending you a big HUG this morning and praying for you and your family!

NanaDiana said...

I sit here with a huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. It has been a rough couple of years for you. I have missed your blog but know that sometimes life takes us in a different direction than the way we were headed....sometimes good...sometimes not so great.

I certainly hope you continue to blog-even if it is just on occasion.

I am so so sorry you have lost your mom and had other losses and challenges in the last few years. I know that YOU know that there is a great and just God that will take care of us and will never let us down....and now your Mom is there with Him.

Love and blessings- xo Diana

Sissie's Shabby Cottage said...

Dear Rebecca,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet Moma.

hugs,
Sissie

Junkchiccottage said...

So sorry for your loss. I have missed your blog but I also know life can change on a dime and sometimes other things take precedence. I pray that as you grieve and feel this loss and pain that fond memories of your mom will help you. Praying for you and your family.
xoxo
Kris

Mariette VandenMunckhof-Vedder said...

Dearest Rebecca,
How sad to stumble upon this post here. So sorry for the loss of your dear Mom.
Yes it is hard and remans rather raw for quite a while.
I've lost my Mom only 3 years ago and it makes me heavy at times.
My loss of her with the HUGE Ocean in-between us was even harder to deal with.
Just by the grace of my youngest brother who let her do face time with me, I had to cope with that distance. Neither could i go to her funeral because of the high cost and also because of my husband Pieter's heart condition. He got some heart cramps around her death; scaring me even more. His open heart surgery was in September 2010.
Today, my Angel sister had her 3rd Birthday in heaven, together with Mom...
And on November 2nd we both lived through hell, as Pieter's cardiologist (a real bully!) read the verdict of Pieter's death penalty to me. He also had told Pieter who was just out of the O.R. after his catheterization, that there was nothing he could do for him anymore... We were both so distraught! Luckily we got a 2nd opinion and from the only 25% Ejection Fraction he was having, it now is up to a stable 35-40%.
BUT the new and still patented meds cost us a fortune... Life is rough at times and the goofy dark days don't help us much either.
Know I have to be grateful for each day together, as Pieter puts it, he is living in over time and whatever God will grant us we have to be happy with that. That's the reason I've started writing the travel stories of both of us; now Pieter still can read and relive them! Not easy to do but it was good therapy also as it kept my mind from mulling too much.
Sending you hugs and may you find the strength to live through this very raw period of grief.
Mariette

Rose L said...

A loving remembrance of your dear mother. She will always be in your heart and watching over you.

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