FORGIVE THAT HATEFUL WOMAN

A little over a year ago I awoke one morning with a weird pain in my left foot.  After walking around for a couple of minutes the pain went away and I didn't have it again until the next morning.  With each passing day the pain grew a little bit worse and by the time my Mr. AGPMan and I headed to Santa Barbara for our anniversary get-away three months later I was worried I wouldn't be able to walk on the beach with my beloved.

Weird thing about the pain was I felt almost normal if I was wearing a wedge-type shoe.  I just could walk flat footed.

Anyway...after seeing three doctors (all with different answers!) I finally met with an orthopedic surgeon, had an MRI and was immediately told I had something called Haglund's Deformity.  I was like, "Ummmmmm......WHAT?"

The "deformity" had led to the tearing of my Achilles tendon and I was in bad shape.  When I was told full recovery from the surgery was projected at twelve to fifteen months I truly felt sick at heart.  TWELVE MONTHS????  FIFTEEN????

Spinal fusion surgery was done on my neck only two years before following a car accident and I was NOT wanting to go under the knife again.  I felt so low and was very depressed.

The surgery went as planned...removal of excess bone at my heel and a nice 4" long incision now decorates the back of my left calf.  Lovely.  I will spare you the details and tell you only that I am NOT a good patient.  Six weeks in a foot/leg cast is not fun.  

I used a Knee Scooter to get around and I was thrilled when I was able to get out of my house and visit the new COSTCO that had opened in OKCity.  Ahhhh....shopping!  Nothing like retail therapy for recovery!

I loved the store, but I tired out very quickly by the time we signed up for a membership and began to browse around the huge warehouse market.  My guy continued to shop and I happily nestled myself near the end-cap of a fairly non-congested aisle.  The store was super busy and in hindsight it was probably not a good a stupid idea to visit the store during it's first two weeks of operation.

Lesson learned.

While my leg was propped up on the knee scooter I stood for quite a bit on my good leg/foot just watching the bustle of activity around me.  It was then I noticed a woman and her companion trying to meander a VERY FULL CART down the aisle I was on.  I scooted farther over to the left so she could get through, but another shopper to my right made it impossible for her to pass.  People were in front of me and in back of me and to the side.  I couldn't move...especially so since I wasn't fully mobile.

It was then the woman trying to move onto the aisle looked right at me and said this:

"You need to move your (blanking) A**"

(and a lot more vile and truly obnoxious, hateful things!)

I was sooo stunned and shocked I didn't even know what to say.  My hubby (who had come up behind me) responded with "Excuse ME, mam...but did you just say what I think you said?"

Her reply...

"YES I DID!!!!"

Mr. AGPMan's response was a mix of emotions...I will only say he was kind, BUT FIRM and basically scolded her for her foul mouth and unkindness.

I am NOT a young girl, but I could feel the tears well up and then drop from my eyes before I could wipe them away.  I couldn't believe how rude and crass and completely oblivious she had been to one who was noticeably sideline/impaired.

I felt embarrassed and asked to be taken home.  For sure the medication I was taking made me far more emotional than I would otherwise be, but I truly felt overwhelmed none-the-less.

In the two or so months since that visit to COSTCO I've been back at least three times.  Last night we were there again and the same unpleasant memory made it's way back into my heart.

I'm a fairly strong-minded person and I know people make mistakes and say things they don't really intend to say sometimes.  I've said things during my lifetime I wish I could take back. I also know there are very mean people in the world who absolutely do not care about the feelings of others.  I'm proud to say I'm not one of them.

My Mr. AGPMan (aka: hubby) reminded me of something when I brought up the incident AGAIN (for what seemed to be the ga-jillionth time)...

He said "Forgive her, Babe.  Even if you never know whether or not she is sorry..."

I really hate it when he's right.  

Time to move on! 

Love to you...

Rebecca

THAT GIRL!

MR. AGP MAN & THAT GIRL (1977)

It is beyond my comprehension how forty years could have passed since this photo was taken.  I can still remember purchasing the outfit I was wearing...pale pink baby-wale corduroy wide-leg pants and a matching top that was made of light-weight terrycloth.  Both were purchased at LERNER'S.

(Remember that store?)

 Sometimes I wonder what happened to

THAT GIRL!

Love to you~

REBECCA 

BEGINNING AGAIN...

MY BOOTH AT SERENDIPITY MARKET, EDMOND, OK

To my Blogger friends...however many of you might still be out there~  I'm sitting here thinking...Oh my gosh...not sure I even remember how to do this!!!  Yeah...it's been a while now...

Honestly, I don't know where to begin...sitting here typing upon my old familiar keyboard feels a bit awkward.  I've been away from it for so very long - too long.   I'm struggling to begin...  I had to go back and look at my last blog post to even know where I had left off.  Life sometimes gets in the way of life if you're not careful.

 

Yeah...it's been a while now...

 

Oh...I think I already said that~

The past couple of years have been such a learning experience for me.  Lots of ups and downs with so much change...allota stuff to muddle through.  I've discovered I'm not all that good with change.

 

Still, the world offers up it's challenges sometimes, right?  

I am pressing on.

MORE FROM MY BOOTH AT SERENDIPITY

I've been really busy working outside my home now that our kitchen remodel is finished and I can't begin to tell you how happy my Mr. AGP Man and I are that it's over.  It was such a big job...no...an enormous job!  I've heard it's best to never say "never again"...but, I'm sayin' it.

 

Especially so when, right in the middle of a MAJOR project, the main source of your income comes to an end.

 

Never Again.  And I mean it.  My guy and I survived the beginning and ending of this massive makeover aka: overhaul.  It left us exhausted.

And we are still trying to recover.  

Do-It-Yourself shows make it look so easy...and fast.

It's not!

I've haven't posted the final reveal pictures of what is now a beautiful Farmhouse Style Kitchen.  But, I will.

This week.

I promise.

A SWEET OLD CHEST

 

I still have my Booth at Serendipity Market, in Edmond, Oklahoma, and it continues to take up a great deal of my time.  I finally re-opened my website and it's feels good to dip my toes back into the online business side of my life.  Kind of weird as I've been away from it as well~  But, strangely normal, too.

MY PORCH WREATH

 

What is it that tugs us away from the things we claim to love?  I haven't figured that out yet...but I'm going to. 

 

To all of you, my longtime personal, business and online friends, thank you so much for the notes and emails over the past several months (that ended up stretching into more than a year)...  Bless you for helping me...praying for me... and carrying some of burdens.

 

You know who you are.  And you are loved.

I will begin again. 

Love to you~

REBECCA

 

  

 

 

~LESSONS LEARNED...ONE PETAL AT A TIME...~

~PERFECTLY PRESERVED HYDRANGEA~

It's so good to be back doing something I love...something I loved for a long time.  It's funny sometimes how unforeseen experiences can help return us to the very things we once had a great passion for...

Losing my cousin to cancer last month has helped me refocus on my life and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to once again find my voice~  I think I lost it for a while and if I'm being honest with you, a really big part of me wondered if I'd ever find it again. 

 ~HYRANGEAS FROM ZION~

Kathy's treatment led my Mr. AGPMan and I to Zion, IL, about three months ago and while I was there I noticed more hydrangeas than I'd ever seen in one place.  The weather was crisp and cold and snow was still on the ground.  The flowers had dried on the vine and I was sure that before long they'd be chopped down by some well-meaning groundskeeper if i didn't gather them up while I had the chance. Kath and my Mr. AGPMan waited in the car and I roamed the hospital grounds...

~BEAUTIFUL GROUNDS~

And so, while they looked on, I snipped away at every single Hydrangea that had weathered the blistery winter storms of northern Illinois.  By the time I was finished I had removed every single tattered bloom from the property...about 175 of the most beautiful dried Hydrangea flowers I'd ever seen. 

Did I ask if I could take them?  

No.

~TATTERED BLOOMS for a TATTERED SOUL~

I figured no one but some crazy woman from the state of Oklahoma (with a pension for such flowers!) would be interested in what most people view as 'dead flowers'.  The people there at the Cancer Treatment Hospital weren't interested in gathering flowers I can assure you.  Every single care-worn face I saw was a person just trying to get well...stay alive...and survive their latest round of chemotherapy.

 ~BEAUTIFUL KATHY~

Kathy was different than other patients my hubby and I saw.  She was so joyful and funny and thought that cutting down all those flowers was hysterical!  When I got back in the car she said "there's no room for you, Beck!  Only your flowers!!!" 

Had it not been for Kathy's thinning snowy white hair and swollen cheeks, you'd have never known she was ill.  She'd been diagnosed with bladder cancer a few months before and sought out treatment in Zion...it was there they gave her, and us, the greatest hope for her advanced cancer~

 

~KATHY and I in ZION~

I was more than honored to be a care-supporter for Kathy on the two separate trips I made to Zion.  The first time my hubby and I made the twelve hour trip by car (which is why I was able to haul all those flowers home!) and three weeks later I flew back to Chicago to meet up with Kathy and her big sister Cindy.

 ~KATHY, CINDY & I in 2005~

 ~COUSINS BEING COUSINS (KATH & I ARE ON THE LEFT)~

~BROWNIE GIRL SCOUT HELPERS~

It was on my 2nd trip to Zion that Kathy was told she would most likely succumb to her cancer.  The chemo wasn't working and her tumors were growing...

As I said goodbye to Kathy and Cindy a couple of days later the shock of her terminal diagnosis still hadn't completely set in.  We were dazed, confused and in total disbelief.  What we didn't understand then was that Kathy had less than five weeks to live.  She passed away on May 13, 2015 at the age of 56.

I returned from California about a week ago where Kathy's life was celebrated during a beautiful service attended by many loved ones and friends.  I ordered Hydrangea flowers for her family, one for each member, to be planted in their private gardens in Kathy's honor...

 ~SHARING MEMORIES~

Getting back to, well, breathing easy has been difficult.  Still...it's been during my greatest bouts of grief over losing Kath that I've been able to hear again the sound of my own beating heart as it keeps in time with hers...  

~IN KATHY'S MEMORY~

This past week while working on our kitchen renovation I was out tinkering in our garage and I found packed away, to the credit of my hubby, the dried Hydrangeas from Zion.  I had completely forgotten about them.  The perfectly preserved blooms rescued from a tiny little town far, far away home had found their way back into my life...

 

~CINDY, KATHY and ME~

Laying on top of the flowers was the card Kath had left for me...

It said this:

"To Beck...Thank you for sharing your heart with mine.  May you again find a way to share it with the world.

I love you the last #...  Kath"

Love to you...

~THE JOURNEY~

~My Momma and I~

My Birthday 12/17/13

Gosh...where to begin!  

Before I update you on what's been happening in our lives I want to take just a moment to say a big THANK YOU to those of you who've written such thoughtful notes and have kept my Mr. AGP Man and I in your prayers during the past six months. Your friendships have become some of the best I've known in my life and I'm humbled by both your remembrance and kindness.  

~Birthday Roses~

From My Beautiful Daughter

"The Lord is the One who will go before you.

He will be with you;

He will not leave you or forsake you.

Do not be afraid or discouraged."

(Deuteronomy 31:8)

In mid July my husband was laid off from his job of nearly 17 years.  After the initial shock set in we struggled to process and understand the reasons behind the termination.  All I can tell you is that outsourcing and downsizing won out again in America.  It is as simple and as complicated as that.  We don't understand it...but have accepted it for being what it is.

Just life stuff.

And life stuff is always going to happen.

"Therefore we will not be afraid, though the earth

trembles and the mountains topple into the depths

of the seas..."

(Psalm 46:2)

What I want to share with you today isn't so much about how we meandered the winding and unpredictable roads of life since the summer, but more about something I personally learned about keeping my faith strong while struggling to trust God with, well...absolutely everything.

I've come to understand in a fresh, almost encouraging way, the twists and turns, gains and losses, successes and failures in life can teach us something new if we will only allow them to do so.

I've also learned the word "devastating" needs to be removed from my vocabulary and used only when speaking of the most difficult of circumstances.

Sandy Hook comes to mind.

I've carelessly tossed the word around and used it to describe minor disappointments and unforeseen non-tragic occurrences in my life for who knows how many years.  I've also learned the defeat is not in fighting life's adversity, but in giving in.

So, both my guy and I pressed on.

Even when we were both overwhelmed, discouraged and even sometimes afraid we refused to give in.  In addition to running my AGP website, having a local booth space and taking special Christmas and Holiday orders, I also took a part-time job to help supplement my hubby's unemployment check while he helped me more than ever with all the aspects of my business.  There were many days we found ourselves coming and going and production of product sometimes suffered.  My website wasn't as full as I would have liked, special orders took longer to complete and my booth offerings dwindled down.  And blogging...well...blogging...

it took a backseat to

everything.

I tried my best to encourage my beloved as he applied for many jobs, sent out countless résumés and then waited...and waited and waited.

Tough days for sure.

But, not devastating ones.

Over Thanksgiving we celebrated with our family and thanked God, in the midst of the job loss, we were all healthy, strong and together.  As another Christmas Season frosted it's way into our lives I began thanking Him early for the abundance we had enjoyed in the past, the comfort of our La Chaumière de Briarwood, continued business from both new and longtime customers and His never-ending grace and peace.  During the moments when I prayed quietly alone I wasn't afraid to boldly ask God for a wonderful job for the husband of my youth.

Trusting was sometimes hard.
And sometimes we felt alone.
But, deep inside I believed that even
during the dark days
He would provide.

And He has...

An amazing new job offer has come and we are beyond blessed by the fabulous news...

  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

(Jeremiah 29:11-12)

A couple of days ago I celebrated a birthday and I'm grateful for another year of life.  I lunched with my beautiful mother (who will turn 80 next year) and visited with my ailing father who is almost 84.  Through the good and the not-so-good of life I'm beyond amazed and thankful that in those in-between days
when the grass is green for someone else,
when blessings are bestowed upon another,
that my Father, in heaven,
continues to love and care for us,
hear our prayers,
and answer them
in His time.

I'm not sure what the New Year holds.

But then, do we ever?

I can only tell you a heavy yoke has been lifted and pride shattered.  We've been left with a profound sense of God's tender care and with His help
we will begin again.

Thank you again for your prayers and concern.
I hope to share more with you soon.

Love to you, as always, and may
CHRISTMAS 2013
be Merry and Bright.

~THE LIFE JOURNEY CONTINUES~

I heard Peggy Benson (wife of the late Bob Benson from Benson Publishing) speak way back in the early 1990's and have never forgotten feeling totally mesmerized while hearing her life's story.  Here I am, nearly twenty years later, and I find the wisdom behind her words still ring true.

A couple of days ago while working my new booth space I met a pretty young woman whose personality reminded me so much of myself while in my early 30's.  We began to chat and I listened as she shared a little bit about the journey of her own life and how disappointed she felt over where her past choices had led her...

She had lots of teenage dreams, but believed only a few of them had come true...

She looked at my Mr. AGPMan (who was working on lighting behind me) and shared how she prayed for a long and happy marriage and a peaceful childhood for her children.

She said she longed to give flight to her creative side and told me how she hoped one day to do something similar to what I was doing~

I smiled big at what I understood to be a compliment, but could barely keep my own emotions in check as I looked into her eyes.  In them I saw a painful reflection of my own younger self... Someone once filled with the very same hopes and dreams as she, but one bound up with similar fears and insecurities about the future and the purpose behind the blessings given by the Lord...

"I have finally come to understand

that it is only in the silence that I

can hear the story of my life and

the voice of God talking to me

through the telling of it."

~Peggy Benson

As we parted ways I promised her I would pray for her and asked God to remind me to do so...

 I have the telling of my own life-story down to a science, but I've never been good at listening...

I'm trusting this new adventure of mine will bring with it a greater purpose than just a way for me to peddle my wares~

I continue to understand that it's only when I allow the quieting down of my own spirit that I'm able to the hear story of my own life and what, if anything, about it He desires for me to share with others...

Blessings for a lovely Sunday!

Love to you...

~GET IN THE PICTURE~

Today, for my 999th Blog Post I want to share something that has been on my heart for quite a long time.  

A few weeks ago while shopping inside my favorite thrift I came across an incredible book entitled:

OUR GRANDMOTHERS

~Loving Portraits by 74 Granddaughters~

 I was taken back by the beautiful cover and couldn't resist bringing the book home with me.  Once home I became mesmerized by the photographs inside.  But, one by one as the pages turned I felt a deep sadness building up within my spirit and more than a tinge of regret.

The entire book set my heart to wondering...

 Pictures taken of me with my own Grandmother are few and far between so there are only a handful of such photographs to share.  I can only recall two or three pictures taken of the two of us together before I became an adult, even though I spent many a long summer at her loving home.  

There is only ONE taken of me with my paternal Grandmother, Grandma Bethel.

What I wouldn't give to have just one more snapshot of her hand held tightly in mine...

Now...I'm usually the picture-taking-person in our family.  I'm almost always the one behind the lens and that is evident when I look back upon our photo albums and scrapbooks.  I'm in about 1/3 of the pictures taken, at best.  It's my own fault, too!

 In the past I've been guilty of coming up with every excuse one can think of to NOT be in the picture...

 I'm tired.

I don't have my make-up on.

I look fat.

I look old.

I'm not dressed right.

My hair's a mess.

(Etc., etc., etc., etc.,)

 How silly I was!

Today I'd love to have more photos of me with my children.  When I'm no longer around I want them to have something more than just my spirit to remember me by...

Today when I think about my Grandmother (she passed almost 4 years ago at nearly 92) I'm so grateful she didn't miss the chance to be in the handful of pictures I currently own.

 I can't help but wonder if she had similar concerns to those that have crossed my own mind over the years.  Maybe she was just happy to be loved, appreciated and valued by her family.

 I think the latter is true.

When I look back upon old photographs I don't care if her hair is a mess or her clothes aren't right.  I don't even notice if she's fat or thin or if there is rouge on her cheeks or lipstick on her thinning lips.

   I only see her beautiful face.

I feel only her amazingly gracious heart.

 So...what I want to say to you today before I begin my 1000th blogpost is this...

GET IN THE PICTURE!

Step out from behind the camera!

 

Celebrate life's fleeting moments with your children and grandchildren and stop caring if everything is perfect.

It's never going to be.

One day when you and I are gone our families will be so grateful to have something more than just their memories to help them move on.

~~*~~

Sunday Blessings...