~Hacienda Heights, CA~
1964 - Linda-Bill-Becky
I've always loved this little photograph of me and two of my three siblings back in 1964 (Jenny wasn't born until 1967). I remember the day so well! It was a bright, sunny California morning and our father had coaxed the three of us outside in order to snap a picture of us on the new fence he was building for our mother. Still unpainted at the time(it was eventually white), the sad little fence ended up being a total nightmare of a project (my dad was no carpenter!) and before long was taken down. In the background you can see his prized 1958 Oldsmobile... Gosh,he sure did love that car.
But~that's not what this little story is about.
I was about six years old when my older sister Linda and my brother Bill and I posed for the camera. I was in 2nd grade at Bixby Elementary School and truly the goofiest looking kid on the planet. I was. I had the mousiest of stringy brown hair and my teeth, which all fell out at the same time, proved to be my undoing well into my high school years. Because I started kindergarten at the tender age of four I always seemed to be playing "catch-up" with the other kids. I was smaller than everyone in my class and much to my parent's chagrin I never seemed to be able to keep my big mouth shut. I was always getting into trouble for yacking it up which didn't make me too popular with my teachers OR my classmates. When you get busted for talking too much you usually drag somebody else down with you. I was teased mercilessly for acting like a baby, looking like a baby, crying like a baby, being too short, too loud, too, well... TOO something.
A couple of weeks ago my Miss K spent the weekend at my house and as usual some interesting dialog was exchanged between the two of us. As I was combing her hair for her very last Monday as a 1st grader we began to chat about how fast she was growing and how absolutely beautiful I thought she was. Call me partial, biased even, but I do think she is a very pretty little girl.
After a few seconds of her telling me how SHE wanted HER hair fixed her voice began to trail off...
"I don't think I'm beautiful, Nana!
"Some of the kids in my class don't like me!"
Realizing she was feeling the effects of some classmate teasing (bullying?), I asked her to explain her feelings and pressed her a bit for a little more information.
And so she continued...
"Well(very, very long pause here)...... I don't think they like....like....like my body or something! Or maybe it's my face. Maybe it's my face they don't like!"
I struggled for a second to know how to respond to my only grandchild. I felt sick inside. She is, after all, only seven years old and by nature very thin, even a bit waif looking.
My first thought was how little kids can sometimes be so mean...
My second thought was to tell her to beat them all up(trying to be honest here!)...
After a couple of deep breaths I found I was instantly taken back to the time the photograph at the top was taken. Straight back to the days when I felt 'less than' and 'not good enough', 'ugly' even. And how it seemed, at least to me, I would forever be the butt-end of every silly, stupid and mean joke ever told.
~Last Friday at Uncle Mikey's Birthday Party~
Miss K and her Nana
I shared the story of my Miss K with my big sister, Linda, yesterday and she reminded me of something I had long forgotten about...something from our childhood. Our father, despite the fact he was a crummy fence maker, was good at building a strong foundation of kindness within the hearts of his children. To his credit all four of us kids eventually gained a heap of self-confidence and learned to ignore tolerate the kids that spewed nastiness from behind their bully-pulpits. Not all children are so fortunate.
I pray my Miss K will be one of the lucky strong ones who stands firm and emerges from her childhood with her sweet, gentle spirit in tact.
Wouldn't that be lovely?
Blessings as you teach both by word and example, the things that come forth from our mouths really do matter.
Love to you~
