~HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ BELOVED BROTHER OF MINE

My Brother, Bill... About 1965

Dearest Bill…

I was only a little over three years old when you made your entrance into the world finally making me a big sister. So many years have passed by since that April 1st day…it is easy for me to feel like the days we spent as children took place a lifetime ago. Seems like we couldn’t wait to grow up and now that we have it’s a little difficult to know just where to put all those memories…

I’ve been thinking these past few days about the impact you’ve had on my life and how, for as far back as I can remember, it was YOU who carried ME and not the other way around. I was older (which now you never let me forget!), but you were the far wiser one. I don’t recall ever rescuing you during the many times you faced trouble, but I know in my heart you have saved me over and over and over again.

Last November, as Steve and I made plans to be there for your surgery, your life kept playing out before my eyes. Knowing you were so ill and facing the uncertainty of life tore at my heart, and truthfully, I was so afraid. That fear made it easy for my mind to slip back into the past during that long drive out west. Back to the place of our childhood! Back to our little house on Sigman Street and back to the place we once called home...

As I sat in the hospital waiting room for the doctor to emerge, I prayed for peace and healing for all of us, especially for you. How could any of us live without you? During those long hours I found myself more grateful than ever for the faithful teachings of Mom and Daddy and for my belief in a healing, loving Jesus. Somehow, even in the midst of my apprehension, I believed in my heart God’s hand was upon you and that you would go on and live to be a very old, old man. When the smiling face of your doctor finally came around the corner of the waiting room we could tell immediately the news was good! The cancerous kidney was out and the disease hadn’t spread! Steve, Ms. G, Mom and I could only weep…

I know over the years I’ve sometimes fallen short of all you and my sisters have needed me to be. In spite of my obvious imperfections, I have loved you deeply. I know in my heart it will be me who is the first to leave this earth, for it would be impossible for me to continue life without any of you…

I wrote this little poem for you back in April of 1987 after you visited me here in Oklahoma. Here it is again… Happy Birthday beloved brother of mine! You mean the world to me…and I love you!

Yer Sis, Beck

“To Bill, With Love”

I thought of you today as I took my familiar walk on the paved streets of this dusty town… I knew my walks would never be the same... For you were not with me, sharing my thoughts…

I have such memories of you and I find myself wishing we were closer like in bygone days. The dog barked at my heels and again, I was afraid! Then I remembered your calming words… I stood firm and was in control. The dog left.

I saw more dandelions than when you were here, marking a passing of time. I wondered when I would see you again… Mingle memories, melt pain.

The sun was setting as my journey neared it’s end… Still, my mind walked on. I was looking forward to better days, longer walks on dusty streets, and sharing my heart with you.

“He is able…to run to the cry of…those who are being tempted and tested and tried. Hebrew 2:18 AMP