I'm not sure how to begin this Post so I'm just going to jump in.
Many years ago I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder that for quite a long time made my life miserable. I will spare you all the details of it because even after twenty-five plus years of living with the once nameless disorder I still don't understand it all myself. Gratefully and thankfully I've been symptom free for a long, long time now even though my blood tests continue to show some abnormalities.
When my arms and hands started giving me trouble over a year ago I chalked it up to being overly aggressive in my attempts to strengthen my upper body using SmartWeights (3 lb.) But, over the past twelve months the pain only grew and this past April when I took some time off to visit California I was barely functioning. I thought a week away from computer-work, sewing and painting would help, but sadly it didn't. My arms and hands have burned with such intensity that I have barely been able to think let alone work. The growing numbness left me nothing but frustrated and even sometimes overcome with worry. My painting and sewing projects can be very detailed at times and not being able to work will explain to those of you who shop my website why my offerings have dwindled down in the past few months. I'd begin something and then halfway through would feel so miserable I couldn't finish what I had started. My apologies to those of you who have been disappointed or feel let down...
When I returned home from Tennessee last month, where I helped my sister prepare to open her shop, I knew something was up as I could barely drive home. I left her home earlier than planned so I could get home to see my primary care doctor...AGAIN! A few more minor tests were run, but basically I was given more pain pills and hand splints. He suspected shoulder issues, but to be safe sent me to a more specialized doctor. More tests were ordered but still no concrete answers. Last Wednesday I saw a third doctor who was leery about the preliminary Carpel/Tunnel/Tendonitis diagnosis. So, he scheduled other tests to rule out anything that might be associated with my auto-immune disorder...just in case.
I knew from what had been explained to me they were going to start from the top...worse things first. In my heart I was very aware what they were looking for because I've been tested over the years for just about every scary thing a person can think of...besides the nurse told me. My heart sank into fear...
Since I started my blog back in January 2009 I've tried my best to share with you not only the things I love associated with my creative passions, but also my faith in a healing, loving, merciful God. This past week as I tried not to worry and fret about the unknown bundle in my life I found peace in this one single belief...
God won't allow what I can't bear.
I am here because He has been faithful to me. It has been His faithfulness that has initiated, nurtured, and strengthened my faith in Him in return. It is my hope the faith he has planted inside of me will continue to stay strong and will never be uprooted by any event or circumstance my life may bring.
"It is grace that brought me safe thus far,
and grace will lead me home."
After days and days of waiting for the tests to come back the phone finally rang late Tuesday evening. Not expecting it to be my doctor my hands started to shake when our Caller ID displayed his name. Initially a flood of worrisome thoughts blazed thru my mind in about a nanosecond...but then, peace. Only peace. I knew before he ever spoke I was safe within the palm of The Most High.
"How deep will the pain go?
Rest assured, never deeper than the Lord's love."
"Rebecca? This is Dr.......! Forgive me for calling you so late but I have your test results and I knew you'd want to know the outcome! The nerve tests done on your arms show you have a mild case of Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, no doubt brought about by your work related and exercise activities. However, the nerves in your arms are so inflamed that at present I can't believe you can lift them at all! A course of action......."
(I didn't hear much of anything else to tell you the truth....................)
To the few of you who have known the story behind the story of this past year and have lifted me up to the Father, I can't thank you enough for your kindness. Tomorrow morning, Thursday, I begin a round of injections to calm down the inflammation and after a week or so I'll know more about what I will choose to do in regards to treatment.
Thank you for your thoughts, prayers and notes of encouragement. They have ALL meant the world to me... (And to BonBon...no words. Just enormous gratitude for your incredible faith and for standing in the gap when I was too afraid to stand on my own. I love you!)
Blessings and love to you...