THINKING OF YOU, DADDY...from Becky Sue

Life has changed a lot for me since my beloved Father passed away a little over three years ago.  Even though my memory of him is as lovely as ever, I've never really reconciled myself with his passing.  I've been able to accept his death...just not the circumstances surrounding it.

And I doubt I ever will.

As an adult I remained extremely close to my Dad and watching his mind fade into some dark and unknown place was very, very difficult.  He lingered so long between reality and fractured remembrances of his younger self that when death finally came I understood it to be the greatest show of mercy God could bestow upon him.

And me.

Not long ago my mother, sister and I went through some of my Father's belongings that had been stored away for over a decade.  Most of the hundreds of boxes held books...but some held keepsakes that obviously were very dear to my Dad and there were a handful of photos as well.  Some I hadn't seen since I was a young child...some I had never seen.  Even though it was a task that had to be done, I couldn't help but feel I was invading his personal space.

 

I wondered if he was looking down upon the three of us while we worked or if he was busy doing other things...

You know, things like sitting in the presence of the God...walking the streets of gold while taking in the heavenly scenery...chatting with those who had gone on before him.

I didn't know.

 

My Dad was a very complex and private person and even sometimes secretive.  I hated being inside that storage unit and as each box was opened I came face to face with telltale signs of the mental illness that was beginning to steal away the Father I had known and loved for all my life. 

 

Obsessive and compulsive behavior could be seen at every turn.

Lists and more lists...and then even more lists.

Each box carefully tagged with excessive ramblings and taped closed as if golden nuggets were safely tucked inside.

My Father.  Complicated and mysterious as times.  And one of the two greatest men I've ever known.

 

Today, as I think about my Father, I'm buoyed by the legacy of  hope that remained within his heart until the day of his passing.  His unwavering faith in God and his steadfast belief that somehow, someday, I'd get things right.  That eventually I'd find a way to live my life to the fullest while being content with the simplest of blessings~

Like the first violet blooms of spring...

The seemingly endless heat from a summer's day...

The quiet rustle of autumn leaves...

Or winter's coldest breath...

 You know, just regular old days that are so easy to ignore.

Life.  We have only one.

I'm trying my best to live mine out in truth and I hope, pray my Father would be proud.

Thank you, Daddy, for helping to plant my feet upon the Solid Rock.

I love you.

I miss you.

~*~

Blessings~

Rebecca

~HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!~

My precious Father passed away about sixteen months ago...this is my second Father's Day without him...

Today I'm celebrating his memory and his legacy of faith and love.  Miss you, Daddy.  I'll see you again one day~

Ever grateful for my hubby, Steven (my Mr. AGPMan), for being such an amazing husband and the incredibly loving, supportive and faithful Father he's been to our two children...

I have so much to be thankful for.

Blessings to you as you celebrate with those you love!

Love to you...

~MY BEAUTIFUL FATHER~

 My Daddy

2003 

They tied our shoes, took us to school,
patched our worn-out jeans

They soothed our tears and calmed our fears,

and listened to our dreams

Somewhere along their golden years,

their hair has lost its sheen

The notes to hymn one-hundred-ten
crackle when they sing

And now they are alone,

no children's voices fill their empty homes.

 My Daddy and I

About 1976/77

We must love them while we can,

we must love them while we can

In High School

About 1975

For time just seems to hurry by,

and the days slip into years

And the moments that we have will disappear

So love them while we can

My Daddy

Naval Veteran - 1956 

The folks that taught us our first words,

still have much to say

The silver secrets of the world,

lie beneath those crowns of gray

As they approach the end,

we change our role from children to best friend

 Last Christmas

2010

We always thought they'd be around

Until the end of time

Until one day we wake and find ...

We must love them while we can,

we must love them while we can

 TURNING 79

2009

For time just seems to hurry by,

and the days slip into years

And the moments that we have will disappear

So love them while we can

~~*~~

TURNING 81

2011

Dear Daddy...

Today I'm thinking of you with a grateful heart.  The many things you've have taught me about life and the living of it remain within me to this day.  Your sacrifices have not gone unnoticed for your love and full acceptance of me have helped make me the person I am today.

I would have been totally lost without you.

I long to share a simple cup of coffee with you again...

Feel your strong, reassuring arms around my shoulders...

I miss our deep conversations

and

you Cheshire Cat grin.

I miss hearing you read your poetry...

Watching you preach...

Bearing witness to your faith...

and

Especially listening to you pray.

I miss feeling safe within your presence...

Knowing my deepest concerns were held within you...

Confidences were never broken...

A careless word you never shared.

I miss your complexity...

Seeing your passion for all you believed in...

The sparkle in your eyes when those you loved

Made you proud.

I miss you.

The whole of you.

The good...

The not so good...

and

The warmth of your hand

Held tightly in mine...

I miss you...

(Please come back to me if you can.)

Happy Father's Day.  You are my hero.

I love you,

Becky Sue

~~*~~

Happy Father's Day to all the men in my life.

My beautiful Father, William.

My lovely Father-In-Law, Raymond.

My dearly beloved Husband, Steven.

My precious Son, Brandon.

Love to you and those you love...

~REMEMBER ME~

~MY FATHER~

Around the age of 8

My father, William Edgar, was born in Conroe, Texas, in  early March of 1930.  He was the fourth of five children, the second son of three.  Like many children birthed during the great depression he did not have an easy life.  His family was extremely poor and his own father was, by my grandmother's account, a very hostile, angry man.  He died before my father celebrated his 16th birthday.

I believe the photo you see above is the only one in existence of my dad as a young boy.  The original is not much bigger than a postage stamp and when I enlarged it I was surprised to see tiny freckles across the bridge of his nose.  How this photo has survived for so many years I will never know.

To avoid being teased and taunted for not owning a pair of shoes, my father quit school in the eighth grade.  After a severe shoulder injury at the young age of fifteen ended his dream of becoming a boxer,  he lied about his age and went out to sea working on a small tugboat.  At seventeen he enlisted in the Navy.

My dad loved the ocean and for his entire life talked of it with profound longing and deep affection.

When just a young man he believed God was calling him into full time Ministry and began to make plans to become a Servant of the Word. He would go on to become the only child in his family to attend, and then graduate from, college.

~ NAVY CHAPEL SERVICE~

1955-1956

My father pastored several churches during my childhood and made only a meager living doing what he felt called to do.  He organized and conducted more religious services for shut-ins, nursing homes and convalescent centers than I can count and routinely ministered to the downtrodden in the skid-row missions of Los Angeles.  He did this because he loved sharing God's word.  He was never paid a single cent for his services.  My dad was a lover of great poetry, a huge fan of country and western music, and although he couldn't carry much of a tune, he loved more than anything listening to each of his four children sing.

~PASTOR OF THE WORD~

How I Remember My Dad

1976

It is important for me to tell you that I did not always understand or appreciate my father's ministry until I was well into adulthood.  With a firm, deep voice, he remained a strict, but loving, disciplinarian and I eventually grew to love and respect his unwavering faith in the Most High. I'm so grateful today he taught me about a healing, loving, merciful, forgiving Jesus.

Several years ago our family began to notice a steady decline in my father's mental health.  Once an avid thinker and writer, we began to see changes that eventually led to a diagnosis of Dementia.  Little by little the disease has chipped away at the father I've known and loved for many, many years. Seeing him in a weakened physical state and his brain in a fog of mental confusion is sometimes more than I can take. 

I miss our deep conversations.

I miss his advice and encouragement.

I miss his hand upon my shoulder...

and the stories of his youth.

I miss hearing his earnest prayers...

and his impassioned preaching.

I miss him telling me that everything would be alright...

and then

believing him.

~CHRISTMAS 2009~

"Remember Me"
(Mark Schultz)

Remember Me
In a Bible cracked and faded by the years.
Remember Me
In a sanctuary filled with silent prayer

And age to age
And heart to heart,
Bound by grace and peace.
Child of wonder,
Child of God,
I've remembered you,
Remember Me.

Remember Me
When the color of the sunset fills the sky
Remember Me
When you pray and tears of joy fall from your eyes.

And age to age
And heart to heart,
Bound by grace and peace.
Child of wonder
Child of God,
I've remembered you,
Remember Me

Remember Me
When the children leave their Sunday school with smiles
Remember Me
When they're old enough to teach,
Old enough to preach
Old enough to leave.

And age to age
And heart to heart
Bound by grace and peace
Child of wonder,
Child of God,
I've remembered you,
Remember Me.

Age to age
And heart to heart
Child of wonder
Child of God
Remember Me.

~*~

"I remember, Daddy.  Thank you.  Bless you.  Miss you.  I love you.

Happy Father's Day...Becky Sue"

(Listen to the lyrics above on the first song on my PlayList today)

Blessings to you as you remember the things your father did right....