Wednesday, October 31, 2012

~ON BEING GOOD ENOUGH...My 1000th BLOG POST~

My 1000th blog post...

Golly...what to write about?

Tomorrow something fun.
Today~hmmm~some thoughts!

As I began to think about just what I might share a ton of stuff quickly came and then exited my head.  Had lots of ideas, but none seemed to fit.  It's not that the event is all that fabulous~it's not.  Not really anyway.  I guess for me I just never dreamed I'd stick to this writing thing for this long so I'm more than a tad bit surprised to reach this number.  Although I created my blog in February '08 I didn't actually write my first post until January '09. Truth be told it took me that long to muster up the courage to type out my first word.

I honestly think people who tend to be on the creative end of things (unlike my hubster who is a computer-math-whiz, but can't draw a stick man to save his life) have a tendency to have a certain amount of brilliant madness going on inside their heads...  Secretly I believe I have a mild moderate case of ADD combined with a twinge double-helping of OCD.  Except for pecking away at my keyboard typing out blog posts and reading posts from those who have done the same, there is no way I could sit for so long without feeling like I might just go mad or something...

Blogging has opened a whole new world for me.  Not since I started selling on eBay over ten years ago have I met so many incredibly talented women or read such heartfelt stories about their lives and work.  Honestly~I've never seen anything like it and there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not totally wowed by something new that is created or shared.  I've come to believe that each of us, in our own way, are just trying to make it in our ever-changing, challenging, complicated world.  I think we are all more alike than we are different and it takes a lot of courage to place ourselves out there and share the whole of who we are, or even a small part, with others.  We run the risk of being juried by our peers and that can be super scary.  It is to me anyway.  Thankfully the upside is that we also take a chance at finding wonderful women who share our passions and successes and can relate to both our shortcomings and challenges.

So many of you have become life-long friends. 

When I was seven years old my family and I moved from California to Texas for about eleven months.  It was during my 3rd grade school year I began to understand that people are given different talents and abilities and I certainly was not one who was gifted with the math or science gene.  Early on I struggled to find my place, my calling if you will.  I flunked out of almost every class that year and the ONLY thing I was decent at was drawing pictures.  My teacher, Mrs. Petifils, hated that about me.  She said I was lazy and unfocused and, um...not good enough.   I felt so alone even though I knew then CREATING would be part of my life.  Still, the feelings of insecurity started to grow and it took me years before I was able to break free from the NGE Monster.  (It never ceases to amaze me how things said to us as children have the ability to haunt us years later.)  Even today I find if I'm not careful I unknowingly allow the viscous thing to climb back onto my shoulders~  He wastes not even a moment to lean down and whisper into my ear...

you.not.good.enough

Not a good enough wife.
Not a good enough mother.
Not a good enough nana.
Not a good enough daughter, sister, friend or lover.
Not a good enough seamstress, painter or writer and most assuredly~
Not good enough to be called a child of God.

Over the past 18 months as the husband of my youth worked towards earning his long overdue degree, the endless hours of loneliness afforded me the time to do some serious soul searching~  I didn't realize it when I first began, but I really needed time by myself.  

Soul Searching...

My father always said it was his time to get away and find himself.

I hoped for half that much.

 As I began to reflect back upon my life, after many evenings shuttered away in my bedroom, I came to a clear understanding of something necessary for me to move forward.  Simply put...I had to start believing if I always try and give my best in all things then my efforts must stand for what they are.

My Best.

It must be good enough.

It just must be.

I want you to know I owe you all a huge debt of gratitude.  Without knowing it you've taught me more than I dreamed possible about arts and crafts, music and faith, love and acceptance and so much about life and the living of it!   I love your honesty and your vulnerability and I'm incredibly grateful to have stumbled onto your path.  In turn, I hope you've enjoyed reading my never-ending posts centered around simple chit-chat, hearing about my crazy fabulous finds, the challenging days of weeping and the reading of my deep love for my Mr. AGPMan and family...

and...

Most importantly for me, my love for The Most High!

Your thoughts, personal emails and comments have encouraged me to press on while seeking God's purpose for my own life.  You have blessed me more than I have words to say and helped me believe that somewhere, somehow, someway we all are...

good.enough.

Blessings and love to you...

Onward.

34 comments:

Teresa said...

Congratuation on your 1000th post. You inspire me each time I read one of your posts. The deep long for your family is very inspiring. Though your posts are so different depending on your mood you have touched my heart. I love hearing about all your trials and triumphs. You are real and you are certainly GOOD ENOUGH!
I also know how hard it is at times to feel that way. I know that the littlist things can also be the things that can hit us the worst. Small slights from others, small things that seem big at times, small disappointments, they can all devestate us at times. Funny how people from long ago can come back to hurt us with their words. No matter how long ago the incident or incidents happened. Words can hurt for a long time. Especially in times of turmoil. I know for me words can come back to haunt me. Just remember that we all think that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH and that is all that counts!

pembrokeshire lass said...

First of all congratulations!!
I wanted to shout YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! But we can shout it write it, embroider it whatever...if deep down you believe you are not nothing will help! I suffer from the same and it's always when you are vulnerable that he sits on your shoulder and whispers in your ear. At this point YOU HAVE A CHOICE (sorry about the caps but with no underlines or different colours there is no way of emphasising!) So ...you have a choice...you can either choose to believe him or you can physically ... with your hand.. brush your shoulder and tell him to get off and then quote a verse (that you have asked The Lord for on a better day...) eg ' I am precious and honoured in God's sight and He loves me (Is43:4) or my God takes great delight in me etc (Zeph3:17) there are loads of others, as you know. Sorry, don't mean to preach to you but I am going through the same and find these things helpful. You keep at it girl. From the things I read on your blog you have a beautiful and gentle spirit so please kick the other one in to touch and keep shining out for all to see!! Blessings. Joan

Bohemian said...

Yes, a certain amount of Brilliant Madness swirling in my head and occassionally coming out... coupled with the ADD/OCD thing is most definitely a thing I can relate to! *Winks* Blogging has opened up an exciting new World to me where I realize there are far more peeps out there like me than I ever imagined... and that is comforting in so many ways since not everyone 'gets' Creative Souls or those who Enjoy Quirky and Avant-Garde things. Congrats on your 1,000 Post... I too recently had that Milestone of 1,000 and couldn't believe how effortlessly it had come here in this Wonderful Community of Kindred Spirits... this Online Journal and Journey has been nothing short of Fabulous and SOOOOO much Fun!

Happy Halloween from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Melissa Bishop said...

Beautiful post, Rebecca.

NanaDiana said...

Rebecca- First off-congratulations- Secondly- I think this may be the best post you have ever written. You are an encourager to so many without even knowing it. You shower us with your beautiful inspired creations. You uplift us by sharing a bit of your lovely, feminine home that has God at its very center. You are honest and forthright in telling us that your beautiful world that looks so perfect is not always as perfect as it seems. Most importantly, you share your heart with us. That is why I love coming here and that is why I love you- Have a blessed day- Now go make me some cookies, will ya?;>) xo Diana

Amy Jo said...

Congratulations! Your blog is so wonderful and one of my very favorites to read.... May God Bless You!

xo,
Amy Jo

Lavender Cottage said...

Congratulations Rebecca on this milestone.
Sometimes it takes many years for us to find out who we really are, to accept it and be comfortable in the knowledge.
Sometimes I feel like I'm still looking...
You are blessed with the artistic talent you have and you are good; don't worry about enough.
Judith

Melissa Bishop said...

I graduated from Coronado in 1985! My nephew attends there now. It is a small world after all!
The recipe is super easy:
1 box of yellow cake mix
3 tsp Pumpkin pie spice
1C canned pumpkin (not the pie filling just the canned pumpkin)
1/3 C oil (I used butter)
3 eggs

Mix all ingredients then place in either one large pan for a sheet cake or in 2- 8 or 9 inch rounds to make a layered cake.
Bake at 350 for 25-30 mins or until a tooth pink inserted in middle comes out dry.
Frosting is:
2 C whipping cream
1/4 C powdered sugar
1/4 tsp cinnamon

I'm sure you know how that goes. I adapted the recipe a bit and used a reduced amount of organic granular sugar, some vanilla and grated in some nutmeg instead of cinnamon. Delicious!

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Becky,

I was ready to push the button and publish my last post, and I had a power blip. Insert a face that looks like this...
:-( but I have to believe that maybe God didn't like it???

I had started by saying I was crying my eyes out and if there were typos, it's your fault. LOL But I don't have that excuse now because I mopped my eyes, and I'm on my own!

You are so so SO precious, and I would like to smack that so-called teacher who said that. You know that the devil must have been prompting her because that's who is set to rob God's babies of their gifts and talents. Satan would like nothing more than to stop us all in our tracks whether nine or ninety. And I have to think that anyone who does harm one of God's little ones (and we are still his little ones no matter our ages) is going to answer for it. What does the scripture say? It is better to have a millstone tied around your neck than to harm one hair of one of God's little ones... so I hope he took care of that before she could "kill" again. That's like murder in my book when you murder a child's confidence.

I am so glad you reached out and began blogging because I cannot tell you how your sweet, loving spirit blesses me. I am so grateful and so thankful to God that you obeyed the prompting and encouragement of the Holy Spirit and stepped out of your comfort zone and blogged because what you have to say is so worth it. And your talents just awe me. What a blessing you are to people, and how beautiful you are, inside and out. Thank you for obeying the Spirit and starting this blog. It blesses me every time I come here. I cannot imagine blogging without you, and I thank God that I met you.

Love you much, my beautiful, talented friend...

XO,

Sheila

Holly- Cutie Pie Cottage said...

Wonderful post, Rebecca! I love heart felt posts!

I have really found myself since I started blogging and signed up for facebook. After having 4 children and homeschooling for the last 26 years, I sort of lost myself! I am so comfortable with who I am and I'm so happy- most of the time. I will admit that at times, I think, "I shouldn't be this happy, something will probably go wrong."

There's a name for that but I can't remember what it is... Anyway, here's to being imperfectly good enough! ♥

Stephanie said...

Thank you, Rebecca, for your inspirational and encouraging post. I was richly blessed reading this. Again, thank you! Congratulations on your 1000th post :) I am very glad I found your blog and I am so delighted to have a place that I can come and read words of wisdom. Have a lovely day!

Hugs,
Stephanie

Jonell said...

RE MILESTONE POSTS: O my Rebecca sooooooooo many posts! And I have found it remarkable approaching 300-not having reached 100 FOLLOWERS yet. btw I find for blocks or milestones it is usually a good and useful thing for me to revert back to THE BEGINNING and review why I started this blogging and what my goals and motivation were at the time. Soooo often I question my format, my tone, the kinds of posts and the my headers..THEN I RETURN TO MY BLOGGER ROOTS and reassure myself..and TRY TO STOP TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE. I see your blog and I wanna be ALL WHITE VINTAGE etc..I see my friend Heather's stringtownhome and knowing it's MY COLORS I wanna be like Heather.you get the picture.?

I still struggle with wishing to attract more followers..even though that is not my major focus.

Jonell
Like Gramma's House

Carolyn said...

Oh, Rebecca, what a milestone!! And so thankful personally that you have kept at it!! I know that it is quite a task to take on!! I THOROUGHLY ENJOY your posts and look forward to them!! I don't always have time to comment bec of my busy work schedule and busy home life, but I always find time at the end of week or on good weeks, every day to see what is going on in your sweet little cottage world! :D I enjoy both the crafty things you do as well as your beautiful pictures of your loving family and the stories...and I also ENJOY the devotional posts, as well!! AND I also have to say that when I am down and out, this little pick-me up site has the ingredients to put a smile on my face! Also has become a part of my life like my coffee break time, my quiet moments... kind of like a tradition! Haha! I don't know how to explain it but I am so thankful for you and your blog!! :D

God Bless you, Rebecca, and your sweet family! Continue in His work!

xoxo, Carolyn

Lisa said...

Congrats Rebecca! And thank you for putting into words what so many women feel.:)

Happy Cottage Quilter said...

Congratulations Rebecca on your 1000th post. Your blog posts have been a source of inspiration to all of us. Thank you for your transparency, as it is often hard to dig down and reflect on the sometimes painful past. I've been walking through the soul searching time and have wondered why God has me in this envelope of time. It is amazing to me how easily we become defeated when we have SO much to be thankful for. You have a beautiful God given talent that is reflected in your blog posts. Thank you for your sweet open friendship and your encouraging comments.

Hugs and blessings,
Jocelyn

A Vintage Fairy said...

Wow! 1000 post, congratulations, that is a great accomplishment!
YOU are GREAT enough!! Have a blessed day!

Mariette VandenMunckhof-Vedder said...

Dearest Rebecca,
Congrats with your new corner stone of 1,000 posts. As you sum up in the end, yes you DO weave the love of The Most High into your writing, your live, your things. That in itself is a big bonus as we do have a president who wants to do away with that... A shame and it only leads to the morally falling off the economical Niagara falls!
You are a very honest person and yes, by writing about ourselves we do become vulnerable but there are so many others that share our dreams, our moral values and it helps and supports us to move on.
A big hug to you and thanks for sticking around for all of us!
Your Grandparents will be so proud of you as they too upheld those high morals, no matter how tough their earthly journey was...
Mariette

Carolyn said...

P.S. Rebecca, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!!

I forgot to mention that in my prior comment. Already clicked on submit...but it kind of haunted me to not reassure you that you are GOOD ENOUGH! God says so!! The "enemy" is so relentless with lies and falsehoods! You are God's child and you must immediately fill your mind with His beautiful hope and promises when those negative thoughts come flooding in! :) I can truly relate with the spiritual warfare that goes on in our minds, though!

xoxo Carolyn

Doni said...

Dear Rebecca,
Words have always been difficult for me to come up with, and trying to get a thought across usually ends up confusing others, but I hope you understand my heart.
You have a gift from God that you have shared with the world, and I mean the WORLD. One of beauty, inspiration, devotion, caring, and love. Your photos are captivating and your words are honest and uplifting. The fruit of the Spirit is such that certain people are given different fruit, and yours are different than mine, though I hope there are certain ones that overlap!!
The encourager that you are is so very obvious, and the creativity and self-motivation are traits that you share selflessly with us. We are so delighted when you have something to share with us! The gentility of your nature reaches out and touches others and you are a witness that God is using to speak to us to reach higher.
Thank you so much for being a light of beauty and godly womanhood others can see. You truly are an amazing woman. And I know your husband thinks so too!
Congratulations and God bless you!
Doni

Laura's Rose Garden said...

Bravo Rebecca!!!
You are a brilliant, caring, loving, passionate, clever, inspiring writer and artist. Your blog is my all time favorite blog! (I check it at least once daily to see if there is a new post!)
You have made a wonderful and positive impact on thousands of lives!
I hope to some day meet you in person. (and do a bit of thrifting!!!)
Love and warm hugs from Laura in Ontario Canada.

Elizabeth and Gary said...

Wow...really 1,000 posts, Oh my stars!!! I have been blogging since 2008 too and only have 210 man-o-man do I have some typing to do LOL.
Rebecca I think we all have felt not good enough at one time or another. But you my dear are more than "good enough" you have a god given talent that you share with us. I love visiting with you and by your member count 1693 I think everyone else does too.
So on another note....Hows your beautiful kitchen coming along?.
Sending love and hugs, Elizabeth

Suzann said...

Sweet Rebecca,
Congrats on your 1000 post - such an accomplishment.
I so enjoy visiting you blog you are so inspirational and I so admire the love you have for your family and your beautiful creations.
I am so happy that I started blogging and you were one of my first followers.....thank you.
I look forward to more of your sweet posts and inspirations.
I am blessed to call you my blogging buddie
(((((HUGS)))))
Suzann ~xoxo

Sandi@ Rose Chintz Cottage said...

Dear Rebecca,
First of all, Congratulations on your 1000th post! That's quite a milestone in blogging. And I am so glad you took the initiative and wrote that first post otherwise none of us out here in blogland would have had the pleasure of meeting you and your creative genious!

You know some teachers shouldn't be allowed in the classroom. I had two in particular who were pitiful! They succeeded in making me feel like a real dummy. And for years, like you, I struggled with feeling 'not good enough'. Actually, I'm sad to say, my parents did a good job of that on their own. But then I met my sweetheart who loved me enough to marry me {who would have thought I would be good enough to be loved by someone as wonderful as him?}. And between him and God, I am who I am today!

I'm finally at peace with myself, at least most of the time. But it took me and those that love me, a very long time to help me see that I was 'good enough.'

Thank you for being you, Rebecca. A warm, generous, creative, beautiful lady whom we have all come to know and love through blogging. God bless you, my friend. And we look forward to many more posts from you.

Blessings and hugs,
Sandi

GARAGE SALE GAL said...

WOW, 1000 posts! Congrat's!
Keep looking up and forward! We are good enough because Jesus loves us!
Warmly,
deb

Marilyn said...

One thousand is an amazing number! I'm thankful that you post your stories for us all to read. That teacher did not like children or she would never, ever had said anything like that to a child. Children are gifts and need to be treasured and told so every day! My kids at school might think it strange when I tell them that I love them, but I think they LIKE hearing it! Blessings to you!♥♫

The Polka Dot Closet said...

Congrats on 1000!! Wow, and Mrs Petifils....You were a poopy teacher...Can't believe a teacher would say that to a kid! I totally get it, I have just started my blogging and it is so good for the soul. Glad you were not making any I quit announcements...Nope, I couldn't handle that!!

Carol

EllenaElizabeth said...

Congrats on your 1000th post and for sharing a totally delightful blog. It's good to be back, I have not been keeping up with blogging lately due to post surgery restrictions that still plague me, and sitting at the computer is a thing of the past now. Anyhow i love your blog and do appreciate the time you take to make it such a wonderful experience.

Hope Filled Living said...

What a beautiful post, Rebecca. God didn't create any mistakes....He thinks you are perfect, just as you are. May you feel the loving embrace of the Father...wrapping His arms around the wounded little girl inside of you. You are worthy...and such a blessing in all that you do, from your beautiful blog to the beautiful things you create.
xoxo,
Mary

Pam @ 52apothecaryshop said...

Hi Rebecca, I am so touched and inspired by your post. I think you are like ALL of us in that we will never feel we are good enough. I think it's satan getting into our mind, heart and soul. God says we are all created equal and he alone will judge and that we are bought and purchased with a price! God does think we are good enough and that's all that really matters. I get to feeling the same way as you and get depressed, but just remember we are all alike in our insecurities! Congratulations, Rebecca on your 1000 post. You have touched so many people. Thank you!!! xo Pam

ileyssilver said...

Congrats to Steve Reb. I have to say that post spoke just to me sweetie. I hope you will check out my blog someday too and share my creations and family joys. I enjoy checking in on you during my coffee and relish the fact that I knew you when. Ebay was a good start for you.
Blessings always,
Iley

ileyssilver said...

Congrats to Steve Reb. I have to say that post spoke just to me sweetie. I hope you will check out my blog someday too and share my creations and family joys. I enjoy checking in on you during my coffee and relish the fact that I knew you when. Ebay was a good start for you.
Blessings always,
Iley

rosechicfriends said...

Oh my sweet friend..you once again have eloquently written what i have been battling for quite a few years. I think the meloncoly/introspective side of us creative types can rear its ugly head and make us doubt ourselves and Gods perfect plan for each of us. Like you these past few months God has gotten to the deep core of some long pushed back issue i had needed to face head on. With his help, i can see how healing it has been. And i am beginning to be content with me, who i am creatively and am no longer comparing myself to the amazing talent others. Its been so freeing!

Bless you for being allowed to be used of our Most High!
Love, Lorena

Deanna said...

Becky Sue, Awesome that you blogging and bless so many. You are a blessing!

I know first hand how something said when we were youngsters holds us in bondage until with God's help, we break free and become who the Lord means for us to be.

I love your blog and I love you!

God bless you,
d

Linda said...

Rebecca...Congratulations on your 1,000th post! That is quite an accomplishment. I love reading your blog...it is one of my favorites! I look forward to your next 1,000 posts! (:>)

You are a very lovely lady...and you have such a wonderful, and tender heart of love!

You are really talented too. So very creative and gifted...
The Lord has blessed you!

You are the daughter of THE KING! And that makes you extra special my friend!

Love you lots!
Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

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