~ON BEING GOOD ENOUGH...My 1000th BLOG POST~

My 1000th blog post...

Golly...what to write about?

Tomorrow something fun.
Today~hmmm~some thoughts!

As I began to think about just what I might share a ton of stuff quickly came and then exited my head.  Had lots of ideas, but none seemed to fit.  It's not that the event is all that fabulous~it's not.  Not really anyway.  I guess for me I just never dreamed I'd stick to this writing thing for this long so I'm more than a tad bit surprised to reach this number.  Although I created my blog in February '08 I didn't actually write my first post until January '09. Truth be told it took me that long to muster up the courage to type out my first word.

I honestly think people who tend to be on the creative end of things (unlike my hubster who is a computer-math-whiz, but can't draw a stick man to save his life) have a tendency to have a certain amount of brilliant madness going on inside their heads...  Secretly I believe I have a mild moderate case of ADD combined with a twinge double-helping of OCD.  Except for pecking away at my keyboard typing out blog posts and reading posts from those who have done the same, there is no way I could sit for so long without feeling like I might just go mad or something...

Blogging has opened a whole new world for me.  Not since I started selling on eBay over ten years ago have I met so many incredibly talented women or read such heartfelt stories about their lives and work.  Honestly~I've never seen anything like it and there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not totally wowed by something new that is created or shared.  I've come to believe that each of us, in our own way, are just trying to make it in our ever-changing, challenging, complicated world.  I think we are all more alike than we are different and it takes a lot of courage to place ourselves out there and share the whole of who we are, or even a small part, with others.  We run the risk of being juried by our peers and that can be super scary.  It is to me anyway.  Thankfully the upside is that we also take a chance at finding wonderful women who share our passions and successes and can relate to both our shortcomings and challenges.

So many of you have become life-long friends. 

When I was seven years old my family and I moved from California to Texas for about eleven months.  It was during my 3rd grade school year I began to understand that people are given different talents and abilities and I certainly was not one who was gifted with the math or science gene.  Early on I struggled to find my place, my calling if you will.  I flunked out of almost every class that year and the ONLY thing I was decent at was drawing pictures.  My teacher, Mrs. Petifils, hated that about me.  She said I was lazy and unfocused and, um...not good enough.   I felt so alone even though I knew then CREATING would be part of my life.  Still, the feelings of insecurity started to grow and it took me years before I was able to break free from the NGE Monster.  (It never ceases to amaze me how things said to us as children have the ability to haunt us years later.)  Even today I find if I'm not careful I unknowingly allow the viscous thing to climb back onto my shoulders~  He wastes not even a moment to lean down and whisper into my ear...

you.not.good.enough

Not a good enough wife.

Not a good enough mother.

Not a good enough nana.

Not a good enough daughter, sister, friend or lover.

Not a good enough seamstress, painter or writer and most assuredly~

Not good enough to be called a child of God.

Over the past 18 months as the husband of my youth worked towards earning his long overdue degree, the endless hours of loneliness afforded me the time to do some serious soul searching~  I didn't realize it when I first began, but I really needed time by myself.  

Soul Searching...

My father always said it was his time to get away and find himself.

I hoped for half that much.

 As I began to reflect back upon my life, after many evenings shuttered away in my bedroom, I came to a clear understanding of something necessary for me to move forward.  Simply put...I had to start believing if I always try and give my best in all things then my efforts must stand for what they are.

My Best.

It must be good enough.

It just must be.

I want you to know I owe you all a huge debt of gratitude.  Without knowing it you've taught me more than I dreamed possible about arts and crafts, music and faith, love and acceptance and so much about life and the living of it!   I love your honesty and your vulnerability and I'm incredibly grateful to have stumbled onto your path.  In turn, I hope you've enjoyed reading my never-ending posts centered around simple chit-chat, hearing about my crazy fabulous finds, the challenging days of weeping and the reading of my deep love for my Mr. AGPMan and family...

and...

Most importantly for me, my love for The Most High!

Your thoughts, personal emails and comments have encouraged me to press on while seeking God's purpose for my own life.  You have blessed me more than I have words to say and helped me believe that somewhere, somehow, someway we all are...

good.enough.

Blessings and love to you...

Onward.